Thursday, September 15, 2005

Oops

I had a difficult summer. My 7-year old daughter spent every waking moment testing and tormenting me and her younger sister. My husband was working this summer, where I was home with them, but that makes no difference...she doesn't pull this crap with him.

My mother suggested therapy. My mother's answer to everything is therapy and don't get me wrong, it's helpful in some cases but in some it just makes kids feel like there's something WRONG with them when they're really normal kids going through normal kid stuff. My mother thinks there's some deep, underlying issue.

It took me a while to figure it out, but I finally realized it was about power and control and my job was to remain firm (without losing my shit - a tall order at best), maintain control and enforce rules. *Sigh* Kids do go through these phases.

One day I had her in her bedroom "cooling off" - which is far more about ME cooling off - for about the third time in as many hours. I was on the phone with my husband, at my wits' end and I said "This is about power. She thinks she can break me down and start running this house her way, with her own rules? She wants to be alpha female, well she's got another thing coming cause that is NOT going to happen! (really raising voice now) EVERYBODY in this house is beta after me!

*ahem.* Except you, babe. heh heh."

But I didn't really mean that last part and he knows it too. Cause even the alpha male is beta to the alpha female...everybody knows that, don't they?

I blame my mother. I'll work it out in therapy.

10 Comments:

Blogger NowSmellThis said...

Wow, that sounds so much like the summer I just had! And so much like my Mother, for that matter.

1:36 PM, September 15, 2005  
Blogger mireille said...

I must be your mother's generation because I still think we all need to be in therapy. It's because we grew up in the sixties and our mothers were so repressed. Heh. Hope you know I'm laughing here. xoxo

4:42 PM, September 15, 2005  
Blogger Trina said...

*rolls over and presents her belly*

2:03 AM, September 16, 2005  
Blogger Rob said...

It sounds like you are coping well.

6:32 PM, September 16, 2005  
Blogger Jonniker said...

Oh good grief. It's so amazing that a 7-year-old can be so...WILLFUL! I live in terror of this phase. Terror, I tell you.

4:04 PM, September 18, 2005  
Blogger WriterChick said...

Everytime I do something stupid as a mom, I drop a buck in the "therapy jar" - I figure her fund should be pretty hefty by the time she's ten :)

6:53 PM, September 18, 2005  
Blogger WinterWheat said...

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Puberty can't be starting THIS early, can it???

3:23 PM, September 19, 2005  
Blogger cjblue said...

Thanks everybody for your comments. This kid was BORN willful. And I am really trying to walk a fine line, because I realize that while many of these traits are extremely difficult for me as her mother, they will eventually serve her well as a woman making her way in this world. She knows her mind, is not afraid to speak it; is not intimidated; is stubborn and persistent and doesn't take crap from anybody. All these will help her as an adult, but make parenting her difficult. Especially because I don't want to quash it...just make it work for us all.

Trina: should I be mounting you now? ;-)

10:06 AM, September 20, 2005  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

I laughed when I read this Ruth. I'm often scratching my head, steam coming out my ears, standing in the hallway outside a closed bedroom door, thinking 'there is something wrong with this picture, I'm supposed be in charge, why am I being jerked around? '
Time outs are good, consistent tight, well defined boundaries are good. Also, at that age, ask her to participate in making the boundaries and get her to make an agreement. Nicole will do this and is incredibly honest when she has transgressed.
My current 'difficult child' is the 5 year old boy. Never a dull moment.
Hang in there mommy!!
xo
Laura

3:10 PM, September 23, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take her to therapy. My sister was and is the same way, and it has made her adult life very difficult. It can't hurt, right? And better to do it needlessly than wish you'd done it later.

11:02 PM, October 23, 2005  

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